The glowing bright sun reflected over the thin blue water creating a wide orange path towards the sands. The sound of birds chirping, and the silent movement of the fluffy white clouds started to cover the large source of light and darkness began to take over. I closed both of my eyes and listened to the sound of the waves hitting the shore as I felt wetness on my feet. The breeze flipped my hair everywhere as I tried to remove strands from my face. Suddenly, I heard a shout from a distance indicating that it's time to eat. I slowly opened my eyes. I saw that it was night time and that the stars were coming out as the waves were getting calmer. The sky became a bluish-black transformed by the reflection of the stars and the water. I got up and dusted off all the tiny grains of sand attached to my t-shirt and shorts as I began running back to the village. I passed the night lights that were now on, and different families setting their tables outside of their houses where adults yelled at their kids to stop running and start helping. It was the same routine every day but I don’t seem to get bored. Four years have passed since the day we arrived here and I wish we can stay this way forever, but soon everything will begin to change when I agree to a decision that I will live to regret.
As we were sitting on the plane I had a feeling of discomfort, and I had the urge to hit something, but I didn’t know what it was exactly. I decided to open the window and immediately the light shined through my eyes as I closed them trying to get used to it. I looked at the wings of the plane as they sliced through the lonely fluffy clouds outside, and they slowly moved together forming into the shape of the village. I rubbed my eyes until they were red to check if I was seeing things and I looked around, everyone on the plane was enjoying themself with the movie in front of them, and no sign of discomfort. We landed around midnight, and after we got out I began to realize what I had been so worried about because nothing was the same. I felt as if I was in the middle of a dark hole and the voice inside my head kept repeating, “See what you have done!” The view was completely different, and the people were smoking and arguing, and the scent was so unpleasant that it felt like someone choking me from behind. In that instance, I thought, “It’s fine it’s only 5 days right? Nothing will happen and I will return home 5 days later, right?” In my heart, I am already starting a countdown, and things won’t get worse, or will they?
A week has passed since we arrived here and I'm already begging my mom to return back home because every day in this new environment causes me to feel pressure as if a needle poking deep in my heart. The moment she said, "this is our new home," my heart shattered into millions of pieces. It was like the needle had popped the protective layer of my heart. That day I didn’t dare to leave my room because every step outside made me scared about my future.
I hated this place because it was cold as an ice cube; everyone minded their own business without caring about others. The streets looked so dead and gloomy. The streets were filled with dirty puddles of water, trash, and the scent of the people smoking, which disgusted me to the core. One day we went to Times Square where people’s unsmiling faces were filled with stress and pressure. People yelled at one another, people cursed through their phones, people screamed for absolutely no reason, and most importantly people pushed one another trying to skip the line for a dinner spot.
At night here they don’t sit outside and talk with their neighbors like we do. All they do is sit outside and smoke into the air and diss other people behind their backs. Most importantly America doesn’t have bright stars that watch over us. The skies are an empty pitch black. The sky that was once sky covered with stars in the village is now covered only by the dark clouds that fuel all your anger and depressions. I knew from these observations that this place was the opposite of our village and that it was much worse because stars symbolize hope and happiness, and this place didn’t have them. After another two or three weeks, I was officially enrolled at P.S.176 where I began to understand the real meaning being the sentiment that change is necessary for your identity.
Due to all these changes that resulted from moving, I was no longer the outgoing kid. Instead, I was always in the corner hiding from this evil place that changed me. I was afraid to express any emotion because I was scared that others would judge who I am as a person based on how I acted. However, when I met my 2nd-grade teacher, I began to view this place through another perspective. When I arrived in the classroom on the first day I saw many things that you never saw in our villages, like the huge pink word wall that had words behind the teacher’s desk, and the huge blue and red American flag that had a poster attached to it with the lyrics to the morning exercise. I finally decide to sit next to the heater and she had many posters hung in a line across the room almost like a word roller coaster. Overall, her classroom looked so colorful, and not dull like the world. Her desk was filled with blue and white paper with many smiley face stickers, and our desks were in groups of four. Each chair had a blue bag on the back, and our names were printed on our desks.
After five minutes had passed, the sound of shoes bouncing off the tiles filled the hallways as students my age rushed in and sat on the fluffy and comfortable animal rug. First, the teacher introduced herself as Ms. Chan. She had blond curly hair with a rectangular smile. She told us to introduce ourselves and to say where we were from. All the students started talking, and I was staring at the jar of DumDum lollipops she had over on the counter. I just kept staring at it, and I didn't even know it was my turn until she called me using her soft voice.
I was really awkward at the beginning. but later I decided to speak out about my anger towards America. I thought she would yell at me, but she told me that she also came from a village just like me, and she told me that she was unable to adapt to her job until, eventually, she realized that the difference between two cultures helps you evolve into a better person. She told me that it's not like America doesn't have stars, it's just that the stars live in our heart rather than up in the sky. America also has things we don’t have in a village, like a school full of resources. It may seem as if America is a bad place because we are still not used to it yet, but only the one who really wants to change and grow is able to see both the good and evil in an environment.
After that conversation, I asked my mother if we could go to Times Square again because it was the place I called disgusting & sickening. I wanted to go back and see that place through another perspective. That Saturday morning I woke up early as I stared at my white ceiling covered with stars. I opened the curtain and saw the pigeons sitting on the wire as they searched for food. The bright sun reflected over my face as a smile began to appear on my face. When we arrived in Times Square, all I could smell were the hot dogs sold on the streets, and all I could hear was the chatting between people. There wasn’t any cursing, and no one was pushing each other. All I could see was a straight line, and people taking pictures of this wonderful environment. The stairs were covered with people laughing rather than with faces full of pressure and pain. That day I didn’t want to leave because I found another me, and there was so much that I didn't finish exploring. Maybe I did change, and maybe I’m still a bit confused, but I know that eventually, everything will be clear. For the first time, I wasn’t angry about coming to America because I realized that America also has its beautiful side. I always looked at America as if it was Hell, and that is why I wasn’t able to see the beauty in this world. My identity is no longer that of a girl who plays with the toys because I’ve become a girl who needs to learn and change according to this new society. Identity doesn't always stay the same and these struggles make you grow. Although I don't live in that village anymore it has shaped me to understand that people are different, and while America is different from the village those differences are what make me grow and become who I am now.
